Sunday, December 2, 2012
My happiness and joyful mood tells me "Just Be", and enjoy the moment.
I just wanted to share a little of my light with you today.
Learning to relax, let go of people that don't have your best interests at heart was difficult for me.
And then came the guilt.
Why would someone, especially family, hurt you, snub, and blame you for all their failures?
For years, as I look in the mirror, I have truly believed that I must be the jerk that they claim I am. I must be.
Instead of continuing to prove my worth, I decided to lash back. Lashing back at others, was what they taught me.
It wasn't necessarily the best way to handle feeling like a loser, but it was my only defense.
Or so I thought...
To analyze the situation, without emotion has always been difficult for me. The moment I would "feel", I would give into self loathing, and retaliate against myself, against others.
And then.. I found out I am a grandma to be. Clarity hit me like a ten ton brick! Guess what??? Although I was wrong lashing back, I was not to blame for how people pointed their finger at me to place blame as far away from them as they could. Even when I was not around, blame and hate continued. Why? Because anyone who refuses to take ownership of their own successes and FAILURES, have to find a scapegoat.
That was the first eye-opener.
The second realization was the fact that even now, as I am living and loving life, without any stress, or pits in my stomach, everyone else is still in that misery. Blaming others, angry all the time, and refusal to take any self action to feel better about themselves.
Where am I?
I am happy. I am loved by the people that count. I laugh and smile all the time. I dance like no one is watching. I enjoy intelligent and silly conversations with friends and the family that I choose to be part of my life.
Like I was a better parent than my own, I will be the best grandma ever. I will lead by example, just like I raised my daughter. My granddaughter, who's name will be Monica Kimberly, will be another example of my joy. My husband and I will prepare and have fun together, as we have been, and spoil our grandchild silly.
The rest is just noise. And it has NOTHING to do with who I am, but who they will never be.
Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.
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