Sunday, June 24, 2012

18 and I like it

I was 18 when I kissed my parents goodbye, and moved in with Rick. June 17th, 1990. I had just graduated from high school, and was ready to start my "adult" life. I worked at a Montessori school over the summer, until I found out I was pregnant. I then decided to get a better paying job, in a Medical Records department in a private hospital. I worked nights, scanning files into microfilm.  We also got our first apartment in 1991, a few blocks from my work.

Being ready to figure out what you wanted to do with your life was a goal.  When I close to leave home, I knew I was ready to start a life with Rick, and getting pregnant was a bonus, not the reason for us to be together.

Now, what, twenty two years later, I am still with Rick, and we are figuring out what our next move is, now that our daughter is 21, and starting her own journey.  It's difficult, because the three of us was all we knew for the past two decades!

Do we continue to remodel the house? Do we travel? Do we focus on paying off the house? What? Do I finally go back to school once again?  All these questions race through my mind, and sleep has been slim to none.

Rick tells me we have to focus on one day at a time.  However, just like when I was 18, I like having goals.  Goals are wishes, that you take steps to put into actions.  Short and long term plans is what made this household work.

I don't think Alyssa knows how much we sacrificed in the past 22 years, to provide, to teach, to guide, and to ultimately realize that her life is HER own, and she needs her own goals, and dreams in order to enter the next phase.  Sure party and running around is fun, but that's only a "part" of the balance of work, bills, and steps towards what you really want to accomplish.

I see people trying to relive their high school and younger days.  Of course, that is their choice, but in my mind that's not forward progress.

Age 40, and this entire year and build up to 40 has been a trying time for me.  Part of my anxiety is not having the next phase at all in my plans.  Structure is good for a person like me, perhaps like many of us.

I think before any decisions can be made, Rick and I need a few days off, not thinking about any of this.  Maybe a week vacation, out of town, out of state, somewhere to get a break from our mind will do us wonders.

So this is where I have been at my friends. Mind racing, and attempting to figure out what I need to do, so I can plan the next phase.

Thank you for reading. It even took days to find the right words to compose this one!

Happy Sunday!

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

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  1. Sometimes the parallels in our lives blow me away. I feel a lot like you. Pete and I have raised our kids for 29yrs, our baby just graduated high school. I worry too if he will find a good course for himself in life, will he succeed in finding a career to work towards in College. He is so smart I can only hope he uses what God gave him. You want your kids to be secure, and once they are you feel a little more relaxed. I'm sure that is what your feeling deep down inside, the Anxiety of not knowing how things will turn out for Alyssa, and that is normal, your a Mom. I think I'm right because I have already gone through it with Christa. I have peace with her life as it is now. I had that time when I worried. I tried to get her to do what I wanted, she was strong willed and I had to let go and let her do things her way, and luckily they all worked out alright. And as you know I thought for a short period in time that I was secure in my future, knew my plan, my next phase in life, turns out it was not the plan I thought it was, and now I'm back to figuring it out. So I know the Anxiety your having too about what the next chapter of your life will be. Pete and I always revolved our lives around the kids too!! I'm trying to keep things in today, but I, like you, like to have a plan, so I know where your coming from. We just have to find a balance between the two. One day at a time and a plan??? When I figure it out I'll let you know, if you do first, pleeeze share it with me!!
    Hang in there,
    Love ya,
    Janet :)

  2. Becoming empty nesters certainly changes your life, but you will get used to it... and then she'll move back in. =:o

  3. I keep telling myself, that after 21 years of sacrifice, and the fact that she's being really selfish is normal to a point. She is so afraid of telling me where she is, because she thinks I am trying to control her, rather than make sure she is okay, and safe. Alyssa is very aware that her dad and I love her, and are concerned about knowing she is safe, and where she is. The problem lies in her friends that have zero responsibilities. Those same friends are 20/21 without jobs, with single parents ebanbling them to DEPEND on them forever. I shuld feel proud that we taught our daughter a work ethic, and she is able to take care of herself, and her own life. Moving back in isn't an option until she would be able to communicate as an adult. Which, to date, shows the immature side as she knows we are worried and we get the big 'nothing'.

    Kimmy Sharing Light has always been about honesty, about myself and about my views on others. This situation isn't exempt even though I feel like a crummy parent.

    But once again, we are at Monday morning, and work awaits!

  4. You my friend are not a crummy Parent, just the opposite. You are looking out for her and want what is best for her, don't worry to much, I think things will work out for you, maybe sometime on her own will make her realize just how good she had it!
    Keep hanging in there :)

  5. Kimmy it must be so lovely to have a daughter of 21 when you are so young. You must be very close. If I may, it would the right time now to have another child, my mom had me at 40 and they say late kids are the best :).