I was 18 when I kissed my parents goodbye, and moved in with Rick. June 17th, 1990. I had just graduated from high school, and was ready to start my "adult" life. I worked at a Montessori school over the summer, until I found out I was pregnant. I then decided to get a better paying job, in a Medical Records department in a private hospital. I worked nights, scanning files into microfilm. We also got our first apartment in 1991, a few blocks from my work.
Being ready to figure out what you wanted to do with your life was a goal. When I close to leave home, I knew I was ready to start a life with Rick, and getting pregnant was a bonus, not the reason for us to be together.
Now, what, twenty two years later, I am still with Rick, and we are figuring out what our next move is, now that our daughter is 21, and starting her own journey. It's difficult, because the three of us was all we knew for the past two decades!
Do we continue to remodel the house? Do we travel? Do we focus on paying off the house? What? Do I finally go back to school once again? All these questions race through my mind, and sleep has been slim to none.
Rick tells me we have to focus on one day at a time. However, just like when I was 18, I like having goals. Goals are wishes, that you take steps to put into actions. Short and long term plans is what made this household work.
I don't think Alyssa knows how much we sacrificed in the past 22 years, to provide, to teach, to guide, and to ultimately realize that her life is HER own, and she needs her own goals, and dreams in order to enter the next phase. Sure party and running around is fun, but that's only a "part" of the balance of work, bills, and steps towards what you really want to accomplish.
I see people trying to relive their high school and younger days. Of course, that is their choice, but in my mind that's not forward progress.
Age 40, and this entire year and build up to 40 has been a trying time for me. Part of my anxiety is not having the next phase at all in my plans. Structure is good for a person like me, perhaps like many of us.
I think before any decisions can be made, Rick and I need a few days off, not thinking about any of this. Maybe a week vacation, out of town, out of state, somewhere to get a break from our mind will do us wonders.
So this is where I have been at my friends. Mind racing, and attempting to figure out what I need to do, so I can plan the next phase.
Thank you for reading. It even took days to find the right words to compose this one!
Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.
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