He asked me how long I have been sober with alcohol.
I advised I am working on five years. He thought I was selfish to others not going to “AA Meetings”, and that I lived in a false sobriety since I assume I am “cured” of the disease.
I advised that I am aware that if I ever picked up that first drink, I would be right back to drinking.
However, that statement wasn’t good enough for him.
People in general, on a great average, have crutches that they use to cope with certain setbacks, downfalls, and even anxious personalities.
For my life, instead of using another crutch where I can blame my shortcomings with a “disease”, or “circumstance”, I chose to try different things to rejoin society without being angry at the world for my poor choices.
As I slept last night, I thought about people, trials and tribulations they go though, based on choice, and non choice.
An old friend of mine was born with birth defects. She had to go through stares, ridicule, low self esteem, and challenges that one child/teen/adult should not have to go through. And yet she didn’t sit on disability, didn’t feel sorry for herself, and crawl into a hole. She was a mom, a wife, a daughter, hard worker from the time she was 16. She chose not to let her disability to be a crutch. I believe her parents, especially her father did not coddle her into succumbing to the drama around her, and pushed her to overcome.
Triumph. Magic Power from the Band Triumph will always be her song.
My mother had breast cancer. She did not just weep and give in. In fact, she made it very clear that she only had a short time to give this issue any energy, and wants it over with. She’s been Cancer free for seven years.
As for my drinking, I was aware that it was my choice, and my coping skill that caused me to pick up the bottle, blame others for why I had to work so hard, while other women got to be lazy soccer moms and allow the spouse to support them.
I spent decades with a grudge. Who held a gun to my head to pick up the bottle? Or did I pick up the bottle because that was my coping skill by choice?
One day, I decided that not only drinking was a poor choice, but it solved nothing. It hurt my health, it hurt my family, it hurt my suburban when I hit the tree. But the stress that caused me to drink was always there in the morning, afternoon, and the want to cope all over again. I also wanted to be a better role model to my daughter.
How can I teach coping skills when I can’t cope?
Now, I could have gone the other route. I could have gone to meetings, blamed the disease that ran in the family, and talked about my powerlessness over alcohol.
I could have talked about whom I hurt, moral inventory, but all the meetings in the world won’t change the challenges that I face every day.
Did I want my daughter to see that I was not only powerless, but I had to choose another unhealthy and non-productive way to deal with my stress?
Will my friend just continue to blame his unemployment, not supporting of his boys, no income, on the disease? When will it end? When does one grow up? I mean, at 39, there are options. Powerless over the drug, doesn’t mean powerless over goals, and your life after drugs and alcohol! I find it morbid to sit in a room and focus on the problems, and results of drugs/alcohol and the price they paid.
We can choose a healthy alternative, which gives back to your family, or whatever healthy coping skill you choose instead. I believe programs like intervention, AA, and other support groups are essential for those that do not realize that they choose that path.
But when do you stop blaming “Dis-Ease”?
Is your goal to be a better role model to your children? Is your goal to have a better garden in your backyard? Is your goal to eat and live a healthier lifestyle? Is your goal to spend more time with your family? Is your goal to give back to the people that supported you during your selfish phase, and help them with their daily overstress? Do you go over to your elderly parent’s house, and roll down the trash bins because they just shouldn’t anymore?
If you made it this far reading, I want to state that I know that I enjoyed the coping skill of drinking. It was a fast drunk, and very fast “numb” --- Does that make me have the alcoholic dis ease?? Or is that the quickest and easiest coping skill that was my first choice?
What is your coping skills? Anger? Running away? Drinking? Drugs? Partying? Gambling? Shopping? Player? Whore monger? Or seeking excitement 24/7?
Everyone has their own path, way, life. I, KIMMY, didn’t want to just keep blaming others and situations for destroying my body and mind.
Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.
Do you like my blog pictures? Feel free to copy them into a book for yourself via INSTAGRAM!