The AA Excuse - still a coping skill for your stress in life

Friday, April 27, 2012

I chatted with an old friend last night that is in the process of recovering from a heroin addiction, which basically took everything from him - family, his job, his children, what was left of his adult life and pride.

He asked me how long I have been sober with alcohol.

I advised I am working on five years. He thought I was selfish to others not going to “AA Meetings”, and that I lived in a false sobriety since I assume I am “cured” of the disease.

I advised that I am aware that if I ever picked up that first drink, I would be right back to drinking.

However, that statement wasn’t good enough for him.

 People in general, on a great average, have crutches that they use to cope with certain setbacks, downfalls, and even anxious personalities.

 For my life, instead of using another crutch where I can blame my shortcomings with a “disease”, or “circumstance”, I chose to try different things to rejoin society without being angry at the world for my poor choices.

As I slept last night, I thought about people, trials and tribulations they go though, based on choice, and non choice.

An old friend of mine was born with birth defects. She had to go through stares, ridicule, low self esteem, and challenges that one child/teen/adult should not have to go through. And yet she didn’t sit on disability, didn’t feel sorry for herself, and crawl into a hole. She was a mom, a wife, a daughter, hard worker from the time she was 16. She chose not to let her disability to be a crutch. I believe her parents, especially her father did not coddle her into succumbing to the drama around her, and pushed her to overcome.

Triumph. Magic Power from the Band Triumph will always be her song.



My mother had breast cancer. She did not just weep and give in. In fact, she made it very clear that she only had a short time to give this issue any energy, and wants it over with. She’s been Cancer free for seven years.

As for my drinking, I was aware that it was my choice, and my coping skill that caused me to pick up the bottle, blame others for why I had to work so hard, while other women got to be lazy soccer moms and allow the spouse to support them.

I spent decades with a grudge. Who held a gun to my head to pick up the bottle? Or did I pick up the bottle because that was my coping skill by choice?

One day, I decided that not only drinking was a poor choice, but it solved nothing. It hurt my health, it hurt my family, it hurt my suburban when I hit the tree. But the stress that caused me to drink was always there in the morning, afternoon, and the want to cope all over again. I also wanted to be a better role model to my daughter.

How can I teach coping skills when I can’t cope?

I chose my new coping skill. Family. 

Now, I could have gone the other route. I could have gone to meetings, blamed the disease that ran in the family, and talked about my powerlessness over alcohol.

I could have talked about whom I hurt, moral inventory, but all the meetings in the world won’t change the challenges that I face every day.

Did I want my daughter to see that I was not only powerless, but I had to choose another unhealthy and non-productive way to deal with my stress?

No. 

Will my friend just continue to blame his unemployment, not supporting of his boys, no income, on the disease? When will it end? When does one grow up? I mean, at 39, there are options. Powerless over the drug, doesn’t mean powerless over goals, and your life after drugs and alcohol! I find it morbid to sit in a room and focus on the problems, and results of drugs/alcohol and the price they paid.

We can choose a healthy alternative, which gives back to your family, or whatever healthy coping skill you choose instead. I believe programs like intervention, AA, and other support groups are essential for those that do not realize that they choose that path.

 But when do you stop blaming “Dis-Ease”?  

When you have a bigger goal.

Is your goal to be a better role model to your children? Is your goal to have a better garden in your backyard? Is your goal to eat and live a healthier lifestyle? Is your goal to spend more time with your family? Is your goal to give back to the people that supported you during your selfish phase, and help them with their daily overstress? Do you go over to your elderly parent’s house, and roll down the trash bins because they just shouldn’t anymore?

If you made it this far reading, I want to state that I know that I enjoyed the coping skill of drinking. It was a fast drunk, and very fast “numb” --- Does that make me have the alcoholic dis ease?? Or is that the quickest and easiest coping skill that was my first choice?

What is your coping skills? Anger? Running away? Drinking? Drugs? Partying? Gambling? Shopping? Player? Whore monger? Or seeking excitement 24/7?

Everyone has their own path, way, life. I, KIMMY, didn’t want to just keep blaming others and situations for destroying my body and mind.



Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.


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6 comments:

Petro Neagu said... 27 April, 2012 13:31

I used to drink to, I wasn't an alcoholic but I had too much to drink. It's been 3 years without touching a drop of alcohol and never felt the need to.
No matter how much we analyze our issues the bottom line is we were drinking too much so we had to stop and we did a great job at it. That's all that matters.
People have different ways of curing their issues, some go to rehab, some go to AA, some simply help themselves, like us.
Again, we did a great job at it. That's all that matters.

Hugs, dear Kimmy

Janet Gardner said... 28 April, 2012 15:40

I do agree with you 100 percent, I haven't drank in two years and I don't attend AA. It is a great program, but I feel it can keeps you stuck in the past and dwelling on the "disease" if that is how you choose to view it. I did the same as you, used it to numb myself, then did some damage along the way. I'm just frustrated right now that those mishaps are going to keep me from getting back on with life! Every employer wants to check your background and I understand why they do but it's just that I'm not that person anymore who made those mistakes. I also realized what a bad example I was setting for my kids. Now they see me healthy and dealing with life without the crutch of Alcohol. I see all around me now that there are many people using many different crutches. It just some are labeled diseases, some are not. Great post Kim!
Love and Light,
Janet :)

admin said... 01 May, 2012 08:50

Thank you for dropping. I appreciate it.
Bouncing on Words

Chinaren said... 04 May, 2012 08:50

Good on you. Don't feel pressured to do what everyone else 'does'. If it works for you, then do it.

I realized I was drinking too much myself when I was about 27. I'm no teetotaller now, but I don't drink spirits (well, not often), and I limit my beer intake to reasonable limits.

Do what is best for you. Sounds like you have it sorted. Don't take any shit from others about your methods.

Petro Neagu said... 05 May, 2012 05:19

Hi Kimmy,

I've been invited to play a tagging game and required to tag some of my friends myself. Please see your nomination at http://theseamanmom.blogspot.com/2012/05/lets-get-tagged.html

Hugs

penyo said... 07 May, 2012 13:30

I came to your blog just to drop your ec, but when i read your article i think it's really inspiring one, thanks

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