Sunday, December 30, 2012

Last Sunday Quote of 2012



Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Family

My husband gave me the best gift for Christmas.  He gave me the biggest hug, and told me how happy he was with me, and his family.

When we put our love into each other, we receive that grateful heart, and peace of mind.

Tonight on Christmas Eve.  My father in law, sat at the head of the table, looked out at his son, his daughter, his grandchildren and told me how lucky he was.

Words aren't coming to me, as I am overwhelmed with love.

Happiness is about "being" happy and content with the blessings you already have. Cherish whom chooses to be in your life.  And let go of all the rest.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Observe or Intervene

There are times where I feel I am supposed to intervene when I feel that my family and friend's safety is at risk.

In today's age, Mental illness, and maniac behavior is getting worse, and many people ignore all the warning signs before it is too late.

With social media, and e-communications, even saving, and turning these emails and posts to the police and attorneys, to show potential danger, does very little, because normally there is not enough to prove harassment.

How do you stop someone from themselves? At what point will there have to be "steps in place" to protect our loved ones from people that cannot control themselves and their anger? Do you have to wait for a specific threat to return like, "I will kill you in your sleep" in order to force someone to get help?

I think with all the bipolar behavior that turns to violence,  one can just hope the authorities can stop the madness before more lives are shattered.

At what point do you stop observing and intervene?

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Friday, December 14, 2012

Silent Beauty



“Observe the wonders as they occur around you. Don't claim them. Feel the artistry moving through and be silent.” - Jalal ad-Din Rumi

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Tuesday Thought



Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

I love LIFE

I have been putting off this post for a while now.

My happiness and joyful mood tells me "Just Be", and enjoy the moment.

I just wanted to share a little of my light with you today.

Learning to relax, let go of people that don't have your best interests at heart was difficult for me.

And then came the guilt.

Why would someone, especially family, hurt you, snub, and blame you for all their failures?

For years, as I look in the mirror, I have truly believed that I must be the jerk that they claim I am.  I must be.

Instead of continuing to prove my worth, I decided to lash back.  Lashing back at others, was what they taught me.

It wasn't necessarily the best way to handle feeling like a loser, but it was my only defense.

Or so I thought...

To analyze the situation, without emotion has always been difficult for me. The moment I would "feel", I would give into self loathing, and retaliate against myself, against others.

And then.. I found out I am a grandma to be.  Clarity hit me like a ten ton brick! Guess what??? Although I was wrong lashing back, I was not to blame for how people pointed their finger at me to place blame as far away from them as they could.  Even when I was not around, blame and hate continued.  Why?  Because anyone who refuses to take ownership of their own successes and FAILURES,  have to find a scapegoat.

That was the first eye-opener.

The second realization was the fact that even now, as I am living and loving life, without any stress, or pits in my stomach, everyone else is still in that misery. Blaming others, angry all the time, and refusal to take any self action to feel better about themselves.

Where am I?

I am happy. I am loved by the people that count. I laugh and smile all the time. I dance like no one is watching. I enjoy intelligent and silly conversations with friends and the family that I choose to be part of my life.

Like I was a better parent than my own, I will be the best grandma ever.  I will lead by example, just like I raised my daughter.  My granddaughter, who's name will be Monica Kimberly, will be another example of my joy. My husband and I will prepare and have fun together, as we have been, and spoil our grandchild silly.

The rest is just noise.  And it has NOTHING to do with who I am, but who they will never be. 

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Peace on Sunday

Just kicked back on the couch. I do not think it is possible to be more at peace, as I feel right now.



Thursday, November 22, 2012

FLY



Being still, learning to breath again.

Close your eyes, rest.

Be at Peace and Fly.

Sharing light with Kimmy.

Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Get into the Zone

Empowerment.

Empowerment is the process of increasing your capacity to make choices and to transform those choices into desired actions and outcomes.

We choose how we view every aspect of our lives. From what time we decide to wake up in the morning, to which brand of salad dressing we use. 

The enlightenment that I have found this year, was learning that others have that same power themselves.

My parents decided to stand behind a bully, in order so that bully isn't near his own daughters, and worse than him,  his psychotic behavior drug filled partner. 

Who looks better there?  Me or the bully that his own parents doesn't want him raising his own children?  My parents would rather lie, and hide truth, so their son doesn't come home and raise his kids!! Or worse, move them in with the psychotic partner! 

I think the bully looks like a total loser, since no one trusts him to do anything!

My parents are empowered to protect.  I am empowered to let go. 

The only one who isn't empowered is the ones that decide they aren't responsible for their own actions. 

And that is their choice too!  Nothing to do with me!

The next time you feel you are being punished.  Take a step back and see that everyone is entitled to make their own path, their own decisions.

How you deal with it, is your power.  Get into the Zone,  the Empowerment Zone.

Let the others do the same~





Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Monday, October 29, 2012

Honest Self Expression



Let your life be an honest expression of who you are.

You see the world through your cynical eyes
You're a troubled young man i can tell
You've got it all in the palm of your hand
But your hand's wet with sweat and your head needs a rest

And you're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it
How can you be such an angry young man
When your future looks quite bright to me
How can there be such a sinister plan
That could hide such a lamb, such a caring young man

You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're kidding yourself if you don't believe it
Get up, get back on your feet
You're the one they can't beat and you know it
Come on, let's see what you've got
Just take your best shot and don't blow it

You're fooling yourself if you don't believe it
You're killing yourself if you don't believe it
Get up, get back on your feet
You're the one they can't beat and you know it
Come on, let's see what you've got
Just take your best shot and don't blow it


Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

True meaning of Tesseract

"Speaking of ways, pet, by the way, there is such a thing as a tesseract" - Mrs Whatsit in A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L'Engle

Just because we don't understand doesn't mean that the explanation doesn't exist.

In mathematics, a tesseract is a four-dimensional shape (hypercube) that, when represented in three dimensions, looks, e.g., like a cube inside of a cube with spokes connecting the corners of the two cubes together. When representing a tesseract in a three-dimensional picture, the fourth dimension is depicted as the one geometric object being displaced and having different size relative to the other (as opposed to the three spatial dimensions, whose magnitudes are measured right-to-left, forward-to-backward and up-to-down). In the novel, the tesseract functions more or less like what in modern science-fiction is called a space warp or a wormhole, a portal from one area of space to another which is possible through the bending of the structure of the space-time continuum.

Very disappointed Avengers made this interesting concept from my childhood a crystal? Please!!

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Yesterday


This is a wonderful guest post from Melissa Peterson at Rebel Thriver

Thank you Melissa and Ella for allowing me to share.  Kimmy


"Well my loves, it's time for this thriver to sign off, but before I go I want to go back to the day Rebel Thriver SAVED me... and showed me how to save myself.

I was reading through years of notes from my therapists file- and it was heartbreaking.

It was a good break, a good and much needed moment of clarity.

It was the day I decided that THIS time would be different.

THIS time I would not quit.

I decided that the only thing I had to do was BE all of the things I knew.

And so I reached out to Ella and Rebel Thriver...and they wrapped me up in love and brought me home.

There are no words for the gratitude I feel for all of you. on your worst day, you will thrive- because you are love and you are never alone.

Thrive on my loves and remember - JUST BE.

Buckets of love, Melissa

I found this wonderful community here! 

Rebel Thriver Facebook Community
 
RISE ABOVE survivor and become a THRIVER! 
 
"For every person who might reject you if you live your truth, there are ten others who will embrace you and welcome you home." 
 
Welcome Home.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

You Lost Me

In sharing light since 2007, it has been difficult to blog real emotion at times because hurt, loss, and sadness can sometimes confuse me. Anger, and lashing out has been my way. I am good at it.

As most of you know 2012 has been the most trying year for me. From sickness, to being sick of the lies from my own family drama.

However...

The past few months has truly brought me to a new light.

Letting go, surrender.

The interesting part of this blog post.  I am okay.  Honestly, truly, okay.

Acceptance that you cannot choose who loves you. You cannot force them to step up, to care about you. Heck, you can't force them to reach out and check on you!  Why did I try? Why did I allow them to hurt me over and over again.  I checked my phone, my email, nothing.

It wasn't until I realized that in the end, they wanted me to walk away, that I stopped shedding tears.

And guess what?  I am happier.  I am healthier.  My true friends have seen the difference in me, my attitude, my smile, my laughter. 

You lost me.  And I gained my life back.

Thank you.

Kimmy

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Going back to a simpler time

I have started posting several times on this website in the past month, however, nothing felt natural about it.  Forcing a blog post isn't who I am.  If it is not from the heart, why post?

Some time in the past 2-3 months, I have escaped in my mind to the late 70s, and early 80s, when life as a kid in Chicago was the best time in my life. Somehow, I reconnected back to WLS 94.7 FM Radio station. Listening to these great djs, and music helped me with my journey.  This is my safe place.

Today, I woke up, and WLS was doing hits of 1978 countdown. That was the year I got my first 45 of the Rolling Stones, Miss You. I still have it.

We talk about going back to a simpler time, and with music, and memories, you can find that haven. I have.

Click Picture to Listen Live

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Holding on



Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Free Yourself



The concept of "Letting Go",  and to be able to "Free Yourself", from your own mind has proven to be the hardest hurdle I have faced in forty years.

2012 has been a very trying year for me.  This past month has shown me that no matter how hard I try, some aspects of life are not in my control.  Acceptance of that fact is difficult for me.   In my feeble mind, there should always be a solution to a particular problem. The realization came that I might not be a part of said solution. 

But then why do I "feel" like I should be?

Plain and simple.  Ego.

I have always been given the task in my own house to "figure things out".  Even when I am told to let life just play out, I assume my family is just waiting for me to come up with the answers.  When I have the answer, and no one is listening, Lord only knows why I get so anxious and frustrated!  lol.  It's my own fault! 

Taking it minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day, has proven to be better for me in the past week or so.  When I saw the above picture, I understood.  I cannot pretend to let go, and still try to control.  I have to completely Free MYSELF of the burdens that I PLACE ON MYSELF.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

My Girls and Friendship



Sharing light with Kimmy.  I know my purpose of sharing light has dwindled in the past 10 days. I have not been in the serenity, and the Sharing Light mode. You can, and I did, allow the negative to consume me. Did it make me feel any better? We all know it didn't. I am striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.This has been my goal since around 2007.  It is easy to keep that goal, when you surround ourselves with positive, loving people.  However, on this earth, there are times we must, and will encounter the other side.

I am a person that has to analyze and over analyze, why this situation or person is like this.  In my sharing light, I wanted to tell this person that she is in the predicament she is in, because of her hateful words and actions. I was fooling myself. I was not the first person in her 67 years that tried to reach out in love.  And I would be a fool to think there won't be people after me that might try to see it is our actions, not our words that cause either love, or turmoil.

We as human beings are easy to react quickly especially when we feel wronged, or used. In one can take ownership, one being myself, that it is not my duty of responsibility to force her to see the light.

I assume that in the next few days, I will be her topic of how rude I was, just like she's complained to Rick and I for decades on how everyone has been rude to her for 30 plus years. Of course I want people to see that I am not the crazy one. But if any one would have walked into one of our verbal tiffs, it would be hard pressed to take a side, since both parties are trying to prove a point.

I have a choice to make tomorrow. Let it all slide, or give the insane person a piece of my mind. I can ask myself, "What positive would come of it", and we all know.. nothing.

In this Kimmy trial, I have seen my friends that came out of the woodwork to support, laugh, tell me the truth, tell me I can do it, and offer hugs, and advice to get myself out of the house.  I did this morning, and lookie; I have a better handle on what is actually happening.  I also assume the Starbucks Vente Vanilla Latte with an extra shot of espresso calmed my nerves as well.

Prayer today, meditation, and one last load of laundry should be a good thing.  I won't worry about tomorrow until tomorrow.

Thank you for all being there. My girls mean the most to me. Alyssa, Amy, Betsy, Jen Perkins, Auntie Elaine, Kimmy Lucas, Janet, Angela Regan, Maggie, Tracy, Gloria, Christina, Karen, Tina. And also all others that didn't feed into my madness vents.  I know you care and wanted me to figure this out on my own. You are also appreciated.

I will make it tomorrow.   Love you all.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Holding on to Anger



Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. Buddha

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.


Friday, July 27, 2012

Life Longing for Self



“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness.
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”

― Khalil Gibran

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

A Must Learn



Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know. Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Throwing it all away

Many of you know I have been really down and out this 2012.  I spent the first few months deathly ill, and then then rest under all unnecessary stress.

I am out of it.  I am out of my zone. I sit here, and stare at the computer screen, and forget what I was just thinking about.

I have been trying not to take it so personal. A thankless job if you ask me. Rick and I spent 22 years sacrificing our teen years, and twenties and thirties doing the right things, and yet, when it all comes down to it, life is about us now.

We are blessed to have each other, and to plan now the "next 40 years"...

I could call out the many people that threw away the friendships and family for their own selfish reasons, but why bother?  Let them realize what they lost later.

Before I was 18, I read constantly. I worked out, I swam like it was no tomorrow.  I lived on my ten speed bicycle.  I traded all of that at an early age for a cubicle to support my house and family. Now it's Rick and my time now. Finish off the mortgage, plan trips, buy matching Camaros. All these things are just things though.  Will chasing my 20s and 30s that I lost to sacrifice, make me feel any better?  Probably not.

At 40 years old, Rick and I are going to do some serious upgrades on the house. Plan our future, our retirement one day. Our long awaited honeymoon.

People will throw you away when they have no more use for you.  That is their right. It's up to you to take care of you at that point. 

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

If I Die Before Tomorrow

If I Die Before Tomorrow

by You Are Here Even Though You Are Gone


"If tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see,
if the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
so much left yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad;
I thought of all that we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home,
when God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
but here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day is the same way,
there's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true,
though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven,
and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand,
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart "

May God watch over you and your new family now and always. There is no right time to do the wrong thing. . . there is no wrong time to tell someone you care.
Sharing light with Kimmy.

Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.
 

Monday, July 2, 2012

Sound Healing - Meditation Music Delta Waves




Credit for video - Sound Healing - Meditation Music Delta Waves http://www.brainsync.com

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Sunday, July 1, 2012

Feel Tranquility

Been trying to find my groove this 2012, but it's just not happening.   I try to get to the point of peace, and calm, and it seems that every time I am near tranquility, some thing else happens.

I think I'll just stay in the funk.

video


Waiting for the Night Lyrics
Depeche Mode

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquility

There is a star in the sky
Guiding my way with its light
And in the glow of the moon
Know my deliverance will come soon

I'm waiting for the night to fall
I know that it will save us all
When everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

I'm waiting for the night to fall
When everything is bearable
And there in the still
All that you feel is tranquility

There is a sound in the calm
Someone is coming to harm
I press my hands to my ears
It's easier here just to forget fear

And when I squinted
The world seemed rose-tinted
And angels appeared to descend
To my surprise
With half-closed eyes
Things looked even better
Than when they were opened

Been waiting for the night to fall
I knew that it would save us all
Now everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

Been waiting for the night to fall
Now everything is bearable
And here in the still
All that you feel is tranquility

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Ringlets


www.nanoel.com
Perhaps an angel told you once of love,

A spirit pure, not knowing fear or shame.

Until that whispered word, perhaps, you came

Less willing to the winds that some hearts move,

After which you had for them a name.

Nicholas Gordon




I have loved Nancy Noel for many years now. I have several of her Angels, and I have wanted more for a while now.

Nancy Noel is an American artist based in Zionsville, Indiana.

Her paintings hang in the homes of many notable people, including Oprah Winfrey, Mikhail Gorbachev, Robert Redford and Jane Seymour.

Please visit Nancy's website for peace and serenity.

And if you find me on a road trip to Indiana...lol

Perhaps I shall become a shopaholic.View Angel collection here.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Sunday, June 24, 2012

18 and I like it

I was 18 when I kissed my parents goodbye, and moved in with Rick. June 17th, 1990. I had just graduated from high school, and was ready to start my "adult" life. I worked at a Montessori school over the summer, until I found out I was pregnant. I then decided to get a better paying job, in a Medical Records department in a private hospital. I worked nights, scanning files into microfilm.  We also got our first apartment in 1991, a few blocks from my work.

Being ready to figure out what you wanted to do with your life was a goal.  When I close to leave home, I knew I was ready to start a life with Rick, and getting pregnant was a bonus, not the reason for us to be together.

Now, what, twenty two years later, I am still with Rick, and we are figuring out what our next move is, now that our daughter is 21, and starting her own journey.  It's difficult, because the three of us was all we knew for the past two decades!

Do we continue to remodel the house? Do we travel? Do we focus on paying off the house? What? Do I finally go back to school once again?  All these questions race through my mind, and sleep has been slim to none.

Rick tells me we have to focus on one day at a time.  However, just like when I was 18, I like having goals.  Goals are wishes, that you take steps to put into actions.  Short and long term plans is what made this household work.

I don't think Alyssa knows how much we sacrificed in the past 22 years, to provide, to teach, to guide, and to ultimately realize that her life is HER own, and she needs her own goals, and dreams in order to enter the next phase.  Sure party and running around is fun, but that's only a "part" of the balance of work, bills, and steps towards what you really want to accomplish.

I see people trying to relive their high school and younger days.  Of course, that is their choice, but in my mind that's not forward progress.

Age 40, and this entire year and build up to 40 has been a trying time for me.  Part of my anxiety is not having the next phase at all in my plans.  Structure is good for a person like me, perhaps like many of us.

I think before any decisions can be made, Rick and I need a few days off, not thinking about any of this.  Maybe a week vacation, out of town, out of state, somewhere to get a break from our mind will do us wonders.

So this is where I have been at my friends. Mind racing, and attempting to figure out what I need to do, so I can plan the next phase.

Thank you for reading. It even took days to find the right words to compose this one!

Happy Sunday!



Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Perceptions of strength

I'm tired my friends.

I have been the Pillars of Strength since I can remember, and at age 40, I am truly losing hope in why I bother trying to keep it all together. What is the sense in working hard, doing what I think are the right things for myself, my family, my work, even here my website?  Where is the serenity?

Working on five years sober, and getting myself out of debt, this crummy economy, people going their own paths, I think about my path, and what is the next phase in my life, if there even is one?

I am beginning to wonder if I am strong at all, or have I been just fooling myself because I do have a great husband that gets me through all my psychosis and depression.

Wouldn't it be easier to be helpless? Let people take care of me, and stop trying to add any value and meaning to my own world... When do I stop trying to be that role model, and just throw in the towel?

I have pushed most people away from me, by choice of course, and the ones left have pushed me away because I know my surreal perceptions of strength irritate more than inspire.

My good friend, and boss Dennis tells me all the time that I have to allow people to live their own lives, make their own mistakes. My best friend, and husband Rick wants me to block out the people that have walked away, because it is not my place to interfere.

As a self proclaimed empathic soul, the feelings I perceive from others tell me that they are not happy either. So why do I struggle if we all HUMANS are in the same boat? 

In less than thirty minutes, I will force myself to take my pity party badge off, and just give all my strength to my work, and coaching others to find good work, and potentially a stepping stone to a good f new career. However it drains me.  Where is my Pillar that will guide ME to my next journey?

I truly believe there is only so much cleaning, and routine I can accomplish before I crack.  I won't turn back to alcohol, even though at this point numb and turning off the flooding emotions would be a well deserved and needed break.

My only other thought right at this moment is to get back to my church, which helps me focus on the higher purpose of life. However I do question if that is just another perception of my deranged thought process?  I just do not know.


Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Monday, June 18, 2012

Being honest with yourself

GROW UP..lol
One of the biggest issues so many of us, including myself is being honest with our lives, circumstances, and events.. especially events that potentially embarrass us.

My daughter Alyssa has been such a joy and source of pride for Rick and I.  It is not without hard work from her, and us! We kick her behind, and stay on top of her weaknesses, and watch her succeed in everything she does.

The stress part, is when she strays from her path, to do whatever it is that she wants to do, not good for her.

Rick and I suck up the grief, and bring her back on the path.  Parenting never ends.

However when do you, as a parent, allow them the right to fail?  I mean, if she wants to throw away her job, her money, her truck, her family all to act like she's a college student on summer break, why should we stand in her way of her happiness? Isn't it her right to throw it all away?

Now that she is 21, we are getting tired of chasing some of her bad decisions.  She has to figure out what she wants in her life.  We all know, the years between 21 and 31 FLY by.  And 30 - 40 was a wink for me. I hope she figures it out soon. Teaching degree, IT career, thrown down the drain.

She has to be honest with herself, even when no one is looking. Does she want to teach, or not? Writing? Reviewing?  Does she want to make her own money, or not? Married? Kids? Soccer mom?

All Rick and I wanted to do was give her the opportunity to save money, work, go to school. But that's what WE want. What does she want?

Or do you bring her back... ??

Suggestions welcome.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Iron Maiden Birthday

40 today.. Damn.. I am old!

Young at heart, and still love my music, old, young, hard, classical..

But today.. I jam to Iron Maiden! To all of you .. no longer searching for the Wasted Years..




Wasted Years by Iron Maiden

From the coast of gold,
across the seven seas
I'm traveling on, far and wide
But now it seems
I'm just a stranger to myself
And all the things I sometimes do
It isn't me but someone else!

I close my eyes and think of home
Another city goes by in the night
Ain't it funny how it is
You never miss it 'til it's gone away
And my heart is lying there
And will be 'til my dying day!

So understand
Don't waste your time
Always searching for those wasted years
Face up...make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years!

Too much time on my hands
I got you on my mind
Can't ease this pain, so easily
When you can't find the words to say
It's hard to make it through another day
And it makes me want to cry
And throw my hands up to the sky!

So understand
Don't waste your time
Always searching for those wasted years
Face up...make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years!!
(times three)

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

It is up to you



The amazing thing about life is that you choose what you allow into it. You choose how things affect you. You choose how you react. Happiness is a choice. Make it. - Unknown

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Bags of Treasures

"We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." --Thornton Wilder

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Create your own photo book with your saved pictures for yourself via INSTAGRAM!