Letting go of being jealous

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It's Tuesday night, dinner served, dishes done, lunches made for tomorrow.  Sons of Anarchy time!

No, I am not a soccer mom.  In fact, my daughter is twenty, and my husband is thirty-nine. My home-made lunches ROCK according to them. Easier to make it the night before.. they wake up before me!!

In the 90s, I wished so hard that I could stay home, and raise my daughter while she was growing up,  or even have a work schedule that would allow for switching schedules to make 10:00 am halloween parades, get teacher institute days, summers off,  or the possibility to be a chaperone on a field trip!  But damn me for finding a career in the largest Telecommunications company in the world. I mean seriously, I was a TEEN MOM.  How did I find a job EARLY 20s in what was the beginning of the world of CallerID/LongDistanceWars/and the smell of ADSL line (data and IP combined!?!?) That job helped me buy my house in 1998. Also paid for school.

It wasn't all roses. Long hours, attached to a pager.. (haha).  The worst was that I had plenty of fair weather friends that loved to throw it in my face that since I wasn't able to be a lunch mom, I was a failure, and was a horrible person that I put my work before my daughter. It made me very vindictive, and even bitchier. What can I say?  I was tired already!!! Lashing out was my defense.  What else did I have at the time??

However today, as I was standing at the sink doing dishes, I feel very differently.  Why???

I work from home, helping good people, now find good careers.  I have been recruiting since 2004, and working from home for over a year.  I cook, I clean, I prepare dinner every night. We hang out as a family more now than ever. We are like the three musketeers. TV, midnight movies, helping and supporting each other. If one of us has a car that breaks down, we carpool, and make it work. Alyssa has Ryan to get away from us...but even then, they are taking me to Pink Floyd tribute show next month!!

Working for the past 25 years wasn't fun.  I thought I would regret missing being a lunch mom because someone told me I wasn't as good as her because I had a career.  Sadly, I should have known to trust my gut. My parents had really good work ethic, and they passed it on to me-just as Rick and I passed it on to Alyssa.

I use to think independence made me who I was.  But now, being here for my family and close friends, is who I am. I am still Kimberly Salvinski Garcia, but I am also Kimmy, wifey, momma, auntie, Mrs Garcia, and Ms Garcia, IT Recruiter, KimmySharingLight, and abutterflyloves.

Find out who you are - by being who you are.  Never let anyone tell you differently. Should I plug Alyssa's article here? Nah.. I will post it tomorrow!

xoxoxo - K

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes. Sphere: Related Content

6 comments:

VirusHead said... 14 September, 2011 15:58

I was expecting a completely different kind of post from the title. Where does the jealousy come in, and where was it let go? I see a woman who did exactly what she needed to do, and adjusted as necessary and as desired. You're always going to be doing something interesting, and you're always going to be a great mom and wife and friend. It's good to take stock, but you're one who just shines on. <3

Dolly's Daily Diary said... 15 September, 2011 12:12

Be very glad you trusted your instincts, and shame on those people who made you feel less than because of a career. I know those things are important to a child growing up, lunch mom, school parades, but I tell ya I just got off the phone with my daughter who is now 27 years old and is having a hard time getting by. She needs money for bills and clothes for her kids. What guilt I have now that I did not stick with a certain job or career. I did what I could to stay home! I can help her now a little but not in the way I would like to. Hopefully things will turn around for me and I will find work to provide for my family, but no matter what, Motherhood carry's some form of guilt I think, dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. And especially, trust me when I tell you, someday the grandchildren are going to be around and she will need you more than you'll ever know. And lucky for you, you will be there! You have so much Joy to look forward to as your family grows, it's an amazing time as you watch your daughter grow into a mother. I am happy for you that you are in the place that you are now. Sorry for the long comment but I just wanted to let you know where you could be, in my shoes LOL! I posted an award for you too on my blog.
Love and Light,
Janet :)

Dolly's Daily Diary said... 15 September, 2011 12:39

you don't have to post this, I just forgot to tell you that if you are not taking awards anymore, I won't feel bad if you don't accept it and pass it on.
Take Care,
Janet :)

Kimmy said... 15 September, 2011 22:38

I was very jealous while Alyssa was still in middle school, especially when I was told I was a bad mom for putting my career first. Even on "School Institute" days, this person seemed very ignorant and couldn't understand why I didn't have the day off as well.

My jealousy was expressed in lashing out at "all" soccer moms. I was so frustrated, and jaded in my beliefs that everyone must be so shallow, that I knew how to use my words to really give it back. Being jealous, and lashing and bashing out has the same effects on a body and mind. It's a poison.

Although I cut this person, and several others out of my life, I still held a lingering ulcer build from time to time.

That night, as I did my household responsibilities, I felt truly grateful that I have what I have today. I felt like the pressure, and the ignorance, mine and theirs, was lifted based on everyone having their own story.

Heidi you know first hand that there are times that I "react". Call it whatever you want, but sometimes I just don't express myself in the manner I wish I would.

Janet, you and I are a shining example of overthinking our lives, and carrying around the guilt we shouldn't have. Our daughters are going to do well, then suffer, then do well, and cycles repeat. I am grateful today is a good day. And I pray that tomorrow is too. I have no resevations on life being smooth sailing. As my 73 yr old day told me today.. "You ain't felt pain yet".. I know we have more coming our. way. Good, bad, indifferent.

I keep blogging not to "share only the good", but to be able to publicly stand out as a failure at times as well. I don't want people to nod and pat me on the back. I need friends that kick my butt.

My boss and friend Dennis is one of the best life coaches that I have met. Just like the most of us, we can see flaws in others, and find that same flaw within. I believe that is how we grow. Sometimes we can be so aware of a inner shortcoming, we can avoid that situation not by changing the actions, but the environment! That's another blog post for another day!

Thank you for commenting. love you both.

Anne said... 19 September, 2011 09:51

I think people can be good moms or bad moms, whether they work outside the home or stay at home. Everyone has different needs and those needs can be met in a variety of ways. I know what you mean about feeling jealous of stay at home moms, but I try to remind myself that I am doing what I have to to provide a good life for my children.

Kimmy said... 21 September, 2011 20:03

Thank you Anne!! SOO much for your input on this.

I have carried so much resentment towards having to work outside of the house, not because I knew I needed to, but because of ONE SAHM's condescending comments.

As I reached out to better energy, I was able to see how wrong I was. It's exactly what you said. Everyone is different, and has different circumstances.

I look back today, and realize I, not her, I carried the anger and the resentment, not her.

I am glad to be free of all MY negative thoughts!

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