My Truth and Occasional Downfall

I have the need to be open and honest about who I am here on Kimmy Sharing Light. Why? Cause it isn't all about butterflies and angels,

Years ago, I blogged before blogging was cool.  I actually still have the Yahoo Group Soulthoughts. I have posts dating back to 2004, and some before that from Diaryland that I transferred in 2004.

Those were dark days. I go back and read them from time to time, and wonder how anyone dealt with my psychosis. I took everything as a personal slam.

I bashed others in return. I wanted to fight. I wanted the truth about me, and where I was going in life.

As a borderline personality, as stated in Girl, Interrupted, I thought I was completely messed up for life. But a strange thing happened when I would re-read my words. I realized "Kimmy" was the problem, and not the people around me. As years went by, I found that by writing in a journal, I could go back and laugh at myself, or worse, cringe on how freakin crazy I am.

Somewhere in 2005-2006, I went on my "spiritual" journey. I was free from hate, and was able to embrace all. Jesus, spirituality, Yoga, exercise, eating well. My life was probably the best ever.

Then life caught up. Work was at it's low. Money was tight, and alcohol was a great, great release. I could drink a bottle of RUM, and a six pack.  It did nothing for my relationships, but I was able to escape all the toils of the day.

I have spent the last few years, since 2007, trying to seek again on what my role is in this life. This is another reason for Sharing Light in my journey. Sometimes my readers that "know" me in real life think I am talking about them. 99% of the time, I am talking about ME. But there are times, that I use my website to respond to something I saw, or heard.  However, ALL of the time, is to speak my mind about responsibility and accountability. I mean it, how can we as the human culture get better, if we are constantly looking for someone or something to BLAME!  That doesn't help anyone, especially our young minds that look to us to learn the right way. My mom use to blame my friends, one friend in particular for all my bad deeds. My mom didn't get that she was enabling me to always find someone else at fault. It took decades to learn that lesson on my own.

Besides work, home, and raising my daughter, who is 19 and needs to learn better than I did, I just try to focus on the moment I am in.  I have been sober since December 2009, and not interested in drinking at all. I recently quit smoking too. I miss the menthol cigarettes, but it was time. I didn't want to quit, but I did want the money from the cigarettes.

As for friendships, it's not my specialty. LOL. I tend to speak my mind.  I am not the type of friend that holds your hand you are touching a hot stove. I take a pan, and beat you over the head with it. I noticed people don't like that. I don't care. Accept everything about yourself - I mean everything, You are you and that is the beginning and the end - no apologies, no regrets.

Sharing light with Kimmy.  My Truth and Occasional Downfall.

Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Photo taken from Girl.Interrupted.  My girl Angelina Jolie.

Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading Sphere: Related Content

Sia - Breathe Me

Lyrics to Breathe Me

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me


Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading. Sphere: Related Content

The YEAR of Alyssa

As my post hits the online waves, my daughter is starting her 2nd year at McHenry County College in her Speech class.  She decided to only take nine credit hours this semester, as she is now working full time for an IT company.

This is truly her year.

It is not just about her working and in school.  It is about trials and tribulations in her life that she had to accept responsibility for, forgive herself, and move on to the next phase.

As a parent, you cannot find excuses for "why".  Because why simply does not matter.

What poor decisions did she make last year?  What could she have done differently?  Is the mistake fixable?

And most importantly, she needed to make the decision what to do going forward.

Now, school starting again, and Alyssa has been studying for her A+ certifications. Alyssa filled in again at the same company this summer, and this time they hired her full time, since she is taking night classes instead. Alyssa chose to take night classes, not mom and dad.  And the choice paid off.

We wish our daughter a great year of learning, growing into a fine young woman. We know she will struggle at times, as we all do. Having an open relationship, as well as room to fail, and learn and grow will aid her in molding her adult life.

Love, Mom and Dad

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes. Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading. Sphere: Related Content

Solitude

Make regular time for yourself where you can be totally alone.

A quiet place is preferable.

Just sit quietly with no expectations.

This may feel very uncomfortable and strange in the beginning. Persist and practice!

You need to give time and space for your inner voice to make itself heard.

With this solitude, it will occur or you will know exactly what you need to hear. With solitude, you will get a sudden flash of intense insight.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes. Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading. Sphere: Related Content

Coloured By A Different Light

The colours are different,
Through different seasons,
Through different eyes,
For different reasons,
Coloured by a different light.

Our demands are different,
As are our needs,
As are our wants,
As are our greeds,
Coloured by a different light.

Shadows shade the changes
As the sun changes position;
Each minute is now
Focused from a new direction,
Coloured by a different light.

The world grows old, designed, restyled.
Upon the day, within the hour,
A newborn child,
The bloom of a flower,
Coloured by a different light.

The truth, misplaced, abused.
The whole damn muddle contradicts;
A soul confused,
But the pattern fits,
Coloured by a different light.

The circle points the way;
Learning to conceive, perceive, understand;
Accepting the shadows, realise change;
Reaching in reflection for want of a hand,
Coloured by a different light.

© Tim Rees
Please visit Tim Rees at his website here.

Follow Tim Rees (stillsoul) on Twitter

Thank you Tim for allowing me to use your wonderful poem. 

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes. Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading. Sphere: Related Content

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

Love is inclusive: it accepts the full range of human emotion-the emotions we hide, the emotions we fear. 

Jung once said, "I'd rather be whole than good." 

How many of us have sold ourselves out in order to be good, to be liked, to be accepted? Most of us were raised to believe that people have good qualities and bad qualities. And in order to be accepted we had to get rid of our bad qualities, or at least hide them. 

This way of thinking happens when we begin to individuate, as we distinguish our fingers from the slats of our crib, and distinguish ourselves from our parents. But as we get older we realize an even greater truth that spiritually we are all interconnected. We are all part of each other. 

From this point of view we need to ask whether there really are good parts and bad parts of us. Or are all parts necessary to make a whole? Because how can we know good without knowing bad? How can we know love without knowing hate? How can we know courage without knowing fear?

This holographic model of the universe provides us with a revolutionary view of the connection between the inner and the outer world. According to this theory, every piece of the universe, no matter how we slice it, contains the intelligence of the whole. 

We, as individual beings, are not isolated and random. Each of us is a microcosm that reflects and contains the macrocosm. "If this is true," says consciousness researcher Stanislav Grof, "then we each hold the potential for having direct and immediate experiential access to virtually every aspect of the universe, extending our capacities well beyond the reach of our senses." We all contain the imprint of the entire universe within ourselves. As Deepak Chopra puts it, "We are not in the world, but the world is within us." 

Each of us possess every existing human quality. There is nothing we can see or conceive that we are not, and the purpose of our journey is to restore ourselves to this wholeness. The saintly and the cynical, the divine and the diabolical, the courageous and the cowardly: all these aspects lie dormant in us and will act out if they are not recognized and integrated into our psyches. 

Many of us are frightened of the light as well as the dark. Many of us are frightened to look within ourselves, and fear has us put up walls so thick we no longer remember who we really are.

Sharing light with Debbie Ford, ©1998. Love, Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Are you with your true Soul Mate? Are you compatible emotionally and mentally? Try a free sample Soul Mate Compatibility reading. Sphere: Related Content

Do you say it? Thank you!

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice.

Eckhart von Hochheim, commonly known as Meister Eckhart.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes. Sphere: Related Content