Friday, May 29, 2009

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid

Written by Brett Blumenthal

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn’t so. Personally, I’ve had moments where I’ll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I’ll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our ‘issues,’ some ‘issues’ are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

1. Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your ‘buttons’ are, and push them to get what they want.
Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don’t necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

2. Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them “It isn’t always about you.”

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

3. Debbie Downers: These people can’t appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they’ll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

4. Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people’s unique perspectives refreshing, they find them ‘wrong’. If you like someone’s eclectic taste, they find it ‘disturbing’ or ‘bad’.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

5. Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can’t do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

6. Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a ‘there, there’ type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren’t sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won’t be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

7. Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don’t respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

8. Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.

Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common. 1) the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue. 2) Unfortunately, most of these people don’t see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one. 3) Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you’ll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

Sharing light with Brett Blumenthal

About Sheer Balance
Founded in 2007 by Brett Blumenthal, Sheer Balance is aimed at helping women look, feel and be the best they can be, naturally and sustainably. Today, living in a balanced and healthful way seems difficult and somewhat daunting, but it doesn't have to be. At Sheer Balance, we aim to eliminate confusion and just present the simple facts in a comprehensive way.

Please visit Brett at

To Brett,

Thank you so much for allowing me to share your insight. I think I can be #4 Judgemental Jim more than I want to admit. I appreaciate your insight and your help to look within myself.

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

My daughter's goodbye to Crystal Lake South

Dear South,

If there is anything that I have learned in the last four years at South is that living in the moments is fun, until there are no more moments to live. The last four years have flown by. Each year, it feels like you are becoming more mature, and you can see it in your own behavior as well as in friends. While this is probably the dorkiest thing I can do, I want to thank all of the people that have been there for me along the way. From the friends that have been there through thick and thin to the people that have just been there within classes that I have been in.

Another two people I have to thank is my parents. They were the only two people that have pushed me not to fall into the crowd and the problems that normally come with high school.

My friends are by far the only people that can make me laugh no matter what mood I am in. They are who make me a better person and the people that make waking up early everyday worth it; they make life more interesting.

Out of all the people around me, several are friends I want to be in my life long after high school.

Now that my time at South is over, I realize that we as students have everything ahead of us, and high school is just another bridge we have FINALLY crossed.


Alyssa Garcia

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Come back down to Earth

Be free without being reckless. Be generous without being naive. Be smart without being conceited. Be strong without being a bully. Be confident without being arrogant. Be courageous while also being careful.

Go far without going over the edge. Achieve, but not to the point of hopeless obsession. Even the best things can become a burden when you get too much of them.

Even the fastest car has a good brake system. Even on the highest flying aircraft are wheels with which to land.

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Monday, May 25, 2009

Nothing that has passed can be regained

All that I possess and use

Is like the fleeting vision of a dream.

It fades into the realms of memory;
And fading, will be seen no more.

Nothing that has passed can be regained.

- Shantideva, The Bodhicharyavatara (2.36-39)

Photo Realm of Dreams by CharmedPearl

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Power of Choice

If you had the power to decide what types of opportunities would come your way, what opportunities would you select?

In fact, you do have the power to choose the way that much of your world will be. You do have the ability to decide what kinds of events, experiences, opportunities and circumstances come your way.

For the world you experience is the world with which your dreams, your thoughts, your expectations and your actions most closely resonate. The world you see and live in, is the world you most sincerely expect to see.

With your thoughts, with your actions, with your values, dreams and expectations, you do indeed choose what kind of world you live in. The way you are, is closely mirrored in the world you see.

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

Photo from Big Fish, Columbia Pictures.

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Blue Mirror on the Wall

Guest Post by Susan Murphy Milano

The saying "Blue Defends Blue" or "Brotherhood of the Badge" is a concern for all women in relationships where their husband or boyfriend is a law enforcement officer.

In most cases there is a clear reluctance on the part of responding officers to arrest a fellow officer.

An example of how police look away when it is one of their own is Kathleen Savio.

Prior to the discovery of her lifeless body in the bath tub of the marital home she and Drew Peterson shared, Bolingbrook police never once arrested their Sergeant when Kathleen called for help.

So it was no surprise when the coroner's inquest which by the way carries no weight in a criminal court of law was used as the sole "excuse" the Illinois State Police decided to close the case on Kathleen Savio.

Politics also played a key role in looking the other way. Had the then former State's Attorney Tomczak not been friends with Drew Peterson it is likely he would have faced criminal charges.

(Jeff Tomczak's private practice link here)

Those married to abusers in law enforcement face the same obstacles as my own mother twenty years ago. Not much has changed as I recently learned while in Will County assisting 2 police officers wive's whose life mirror's that of Kathleen Savio. Police refusing to take a police report against their officer abuser's or taking her to the hospital for medical attention as the blood drips down her face. Employee's within the Will County State's Attorney's office being fed fear if they contact me on a case directly or refer officers wives in my direction.

Politics continue to play a major role into officer involved abuse cases. If Will County State's Attorney James Glasgow takes a step back , he will recall I never compromise an investigation or a victim's life.

It is when employees without your knowledge fail the victims. That is when I arrive, treating the process and your office with respect, only to be knocked down upon walking in the court house doors.

Sharing Light with my friend Susan Murphy Milano. Please visit Susan's blog here!

I enjoy Susan's energy, passion, and love for others.

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Sunday, May 17, 2009

Author says Divorce Doesn't Scar Children -- Selfish Parents Do!

Author Rosalind Sedacca, says divorce doesn’t scar children. It’s selfish parents, blind-sighted by their emotions, that do the damage.

She says “it’s not divorce that harms children. It’s wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting the children they love.

It’s vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids.

It’s parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the child’s relationship with their other parent.

It’s parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love both Mom and Dad.

It’s parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.

In essence, it’s selfish parents who put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions.”

I fill the Divorce Support site with articles on all aspects of divorce. The least read articles I write and publish are articles about children and divorce. The majority of the visitors to this site have children but the research they do on the subject of divorce rarely has anything to do with how their divorce will affect their children.

That is the most discouraging aspect of the work I do here at Divorce Support…the lack of interest my readers show in their children’s welfare.

I’m the mother of two. My sons were 7 and 14 when their father and I divorced. My youngest is now a very troubled teenager and it’s my opinion that his problems are directly related to the actions of a selfish parent. My son has been scarred because he had a parent who could not or would not see how his actions were hurting my son.

For example: He and his father were very close. His bond with his father was far deeper than the bond he had with me. When his father decided he no longer wanted to be married and left the home, it devastated our son. He went from having a father he adored and saw daily to a father he saw every other week. No phone calls or vistis in between.

My son went into a depression, started having panic attacks and had emotions to deal with that were heartbreaking. One night he went to his knees, grabbed me around my legs and begged me to call his father and tell him to come home. I called his father and told him our son needed his help. His father’s response, “I can’t deal with his pain right now, I have to deal with my own. You will have to take care of him.”

I remember thinking to myself, after that conversation that I didn’t realize there was a time that a parent was allowed to or would choose to put their own pain before the pain of their child. I was in pain, it is impossible to describe the rejection and fear I felt during that time. My main concern was not my pain though. It was the pain my children were experiencing and helping them cope.

The best advice I can give to parents who are divorcing is to put your own self-interest behind your children’s best interest. Let go of your vindictiveness, work together on custody issues so your children will be able to spend an equal amount of time with each parent. Fight for what is yours financially but don’t let you desire to come out on top trump your child’s emotional needs.
You are your child’s security. You and how you handle yourself during your divorce will influence the quality of life your child lives and the kind of adult they grow into. Please, make that your main focus!

Sharing light with Author Rosalind Sedacca! Thank you Rosalind!

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Saturday, May 9, 2009

In Sleep's Embrace

You may feel intensely drained, and this lack of energy can compromise your ability to meet your objectives.

If your schedule is overfull or you feel overwhelmed by the challenges contained therein, you may be taxing yourself to your very physical, mental and emotional limits.

Your tiredness may thus have little to do with your sleeping habits, yet you may nonetheless find relief in slumber's touch. The liveliness and awareness you usually enjoy will likely return today once you have blocked off some time in your agenda that you can devote to napping. Even a short period of sleep can refresh you so that you can carry on with your day.

Fatigue can be a sign that we are working too hard in our personal and professional lives. If there is nothing we can do to trim down our schedule of responsibilities, it may seem that there is similarly nothing we can do to relieve ourselves of the burden of weariness we have unintentionally hoisted onto our own shoulders. Naps, however, can offer us an uninterrupted period of rest into which no distractions can intrude. When we doze, our imagination wanders, and we enjoy a level of emotional freedom that is hard to come by in our daily lives. The fact that our exhaustion vanishes is almost less important than the respite a good nap gives us from the worries that might otherwise become a permanent fixture in our minds. The short bouts of sleep you enjoy today can help you cope with busyness easily and naturally.

Featured DailyOM

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Thursday, May 7, 2009


Taken from Crystal Lake South High School Paper

What should people do if they cannot even feel safe enough to look at their own phone? Students now feel comfortable enough with themselves that they feel it necessary to take photos of themselves and give it to a boyfriend as a way of showing affection. People need to understand that this is not only disgusting, but it is a risk to your character, to your reputation and also to the rest of your life. This new craze which has the law taken aback is called “Sexting.”

What is sexting? It is something that has just been brought out into the public as one of the newest crazes within the teenage setting. People these days are willing to trust all of their identification as well as other parts of their lives, so now they feel like they can live their entire life, including their sexuality, over their cell phones.

When interviewing a junior, they stated “I feel so comfortable with my phone I have every number, every date and almost every moment of my life planned out on my phone, why not have every aspect of my life be on my phone. What are long distance couples supposed to do, drive out and see each other every night? It would be impossible, plus, using sexting could even be safer, even less of a chance of pregnancy.” Even with understanding the fact that people are comfortable with their cell phones doesn’t excuse the behavior.

What is the point of this sexting if what might happen in return could be even worse? If at some point these couples break up, they might spread these photos around the schools, they might end worse off than when they started. The photos are at risk to be spread anywhere. The pictures aren’t something that can be taken back after they are sent. These photos are going to hurt a person’s reputation by taking them, but having others see might be even worse.

People may believe that felonies only occur when there is a physical contact with another human being. Now not only is it a felony for that, you can be charged with a felony for posting these photos of yourself. In a recent court case, a fourteen year old girl posted photos of herself on MySpace for her boyfriend. She is now being charged with jail time as well as at least twenty years on the sex offender list.

Another new problem that has been arising is the “art” of photo bombing which can be as simple as just jumping in the background of someone’s picture that is being taken, or to another extreme where people are going in and editing other people’s photos. Sometimes these cases are pushed even to the sexting extreme.

People need to be more aware of what they are doing to themselves as well as the people around them. Students shouldn’t have to deal with the backfire of a stupid decision that can be completely avoided.

Think before you text.
Alyssa Garcia Crystal Lake South Senior

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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Saturday, May 2, 2009

A new dawn, a new day

Feeling Good

Birds flyin' high you know how I feel

Sun in the sky you know how I feel

Breeze driftin' on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

yeah, its a new dawn its a new day its a new life for me


Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River runnin' free you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree you know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me
And I'm feelin good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean dont you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleepin' peace when day is done that's what I mean
And this old world is a new world and a bold world for me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the crime you know how I feel
Your freedom is mine, and I know how I feel
Its a new dawn, its a new day, its a new life for me

lyrics by Nina Simone

Photo by Ryan Tones

Kimmy ~ Creating a path between the present course of events and a new course, leading to new outcomes.

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