Saturday, August 29, 2009

Reaching for Mutual Respect

Do you respect your partner? I find that one or both partners believe themselves to be truly better than their partner.

Not just better at certain tasks or skills; but better as a whole person.

This is what leads to the idea that if only one's partner could be "fixed" then the partnership would be happy and successful.

The trouble is most people aren't broken.

Life was working before we allied with our partner and will continue to work even if they are gone. We are with our partner because it enhances our life, makes us even more functional and hopefully happier. Not to say that everyone can't improve in certain skill areas.

Respecting our partner has to be built on the recognition that they are fully functional and remarkably capable people. You partner may not be as good as you are at organization, or baseball, or cooking, or gardening or whatever. But, guess what? You aren't as good as they are at many things. Which of you is better? The only answer in a successful partnership is neither!

Partnership can never be about whom is better. Partnership is about recognizing each party's strengths and about recognizing our own weaknesses. Notice that in the weakness area your task is to recognize your own weaknesses without a primary focus on your partner's. That is their job. As you each recognize your weak areas this can be a point of discussion and understanding (perhaps a place for active listening) so you know how and when to cover for each other.

When you can begin to recognize and accept your weaker areas then you've started the process of accepting help. You can hardly ask for assistance if you don't know where you need it.

Help without permission is a violation of your partner. Permission can only be granted if your partner has the option to refuse the help. On occasion a partner may want to struggle a little longer or get their ideas or skills more organized before they are ready for further input. Mutual respect includes the ability to wait.

The journey for partners is to advance the team through mutual growth, success and respect.

Sharing light with Kimmy. Striving to create a path between the present course of events and a new course; leading to new outcomes.

Article excerpts taken from; The Answer is Mutual Respect by David W. Edgerly, Ph.D. Copyright 1998; All rights reserved.

Photo by Rosie Hardy - Another Step on the Ladder

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  1. I came to visit you and I hope that even though we are different countries but we are still brothers ... please visit my site

  2. The thoughts you share encourage people learn value in certain kind of selfless thinking and behaviour. You benefit from making choices that also care for the health and well-being of self. Altruism is meaningful. How you treat others mirros how you treat your self inside. This remidns you how you react to people reflects how you feel and how balanced and peaceful you actually are. Appearances acan deceive you. Emotions are a gauge of the truth.

  3. This is an area where I struggle with Walter all of the time. He is and has been dyslexic all of his life.

    Unfortunately he went through school when very few were even aware of this condition. He suffered great humiliation all through every year of school.

    Many of hi teachers would force him to stand up and read before the class and then choose some one else to read the very same thing. Then they ridiculed and criticized him before the entire class because he lacked the ability to read as well.

    The job he does as a truck driver is truly much more difficult than anyone other than another driver could possibly imagine.

    He works in the specialized division of his company which simply means h pulls a flt bed trailer and hauls over sized loads.

    Now today's trucks are all computerized and also very large. He is almost 28 feet long without a trailer being attached.

    He hauls loads that some times put his entire length close to 80 or 90 feet, some times even longer than that, some times he is as wide as 15 feet or more.

    He hauls these loads and delivers them safely all over America and Canada, including Quebec which as you know uses French as their primary language. Thus he reads and follows road signs marked in French and always find his destinations.

    He also does the very same thing in almost every major city, including downtown Chicago, Manhatten, Los Angeles, etc...

    He travels up, down and around some of the most dangerous mountain passes winter and summer this long, this wide and always weighing at least 80,000 lbs.

    The stress is incredible and everything has to be mapped and logged to the very mile and minute. He uses Quialcom and understands it better than I do my own cell phone.

    Yet to this day, at age 63, he still battles with a profound lack of self esteem and thinks himself less smart than me.

    I could never in a million years do what he does not even for one minute. I can't even find 2 or 3 gears let alone 13.

    I constantly try to reassure him that he is anything but dumb or less smarter than me. I think after almost 30 years he has improved some.

    But, it breaks my heart every time I hear him belittle himself, and, almost every time he does it relates to when he is trying to read something and gets frustrated with himself because he has to go slow.

    We should all always be very careful how we approach our fellow human beings. For his entire life has been marked forever by a few cruel teachers who didn't understand that he wasn't stupid. He just saw the entire sentences backward if forced to read fast.

    Thank you Kimmy for helping us remember to do our best to respect everyone!!

    Love and hugs always!

  4. Great post Kimmy, words of wisdom.


  5. Hi Kimmy,
    This is so true, As my husband Pete have grown to love and respect each other more through out the years. He accepts me as is, with my faults and all and I do them same for him. That respect has grown into us being best friends. We love each other more now that 26 yrs ago. I am sure it is the same for you and your hubby :)
    Love and Light,
    Janet :)

  6. One day i will be able to connect to that personally, until then, beautiful words :)

  7. What a lovely and very compassionate women your daughter is.
    I wonder where she learned to be so genuine. Good teacher I think was behind that.
    I too have a daughter whom I cherish as she is so much like how you have described your daughter.
    We are very blessed !

  8. No, I don't think she will be embarrassed if ever she reads your glowing tribute about her and how proud you are of her. She will feel elated and happy to know just how proud you are of her. All children will feel the same way when praised and complimented by their parents. How time flies. It is as if you just started yesterday and today you have a wonderful grown up kid making you proud of what she is doing. You are indeed blessed. Thanks for the feel good post. God bless you always.

  9. Thanks for sharing this wonderful story.