Monday, March 31, 2008

Strength and fulfillment

It is only when a seed grows that it can produce more seeds. It is only when you express joy and abundance in your own life that you can help others to know joy and abundance in their lives.

To make yourself miserable for the sake of helping others will serve no useful purpose at all. The best way to be of service to others is from a position of strength and fulfillment rather than from a position of weakness and despair.

excerpt from The Daily Motivator

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Are You Fighting Yourself?

After talking to him for a few minutes, I knew that he’d be difficult to coach. While he didn’t realize it consciously, at some level he didn’t really want to change. Maybe he felt it would be too much work, maybe he was afraid of the unknown…maybe he was afraid of actually succeeding.

How did I know?

After having successes and failures with helping people make shifts in their lives, I began to see the patterns between people who changed more readily versus those who didn’t.
Those who change more easily have inner congruence; they have their inner selves aligned in ways that help them make the shift. Those that don’t have inner congruence find it difficult; no matter how much they think they want to change, a part of them doesn’t. They sabotage themselves by taking one step forward and two steps back.

What Are The Signs of Self-Sabotage?

How do you know when someone’s spending too much energy fighting themselves?

1) When they love their problems too much.
When you hear someone talk endlessly about their problems, especially in dramatic and sometimes even boastful ways; watch out! They may say they want to change, but they’re still enjoying the secondary gain they get from having this problem; it could be anything from having an excuse to get off the hook to getting attention.

2) When they argue exactly why suggestions to change won’t work.
Instead of wanting to listen and test new solutions out, they shoot down any suggestions with reasons why they might work for others but not for them. They only say they want to change when they’re obviously fighting it, that’s because they really want things to remain the same.

3) When they focus too much on negative causes and effects than positive intentions and outcomes.

Instead of having their eyes forward to create what they want in the future, they want to go further and further back into the past and dig out root causes of all their problems. The more obsessed this person is with finding out exactly why they’re messed up, the less energy they have to discover just how much better they can be.

How To Turn Self-Sabotage Into Self-Empowerment

If you’ve been self-sabotaging yourself or know someone who is, here is how you can turn self-sabotage into self-encouragement.

1) Fall in love with your strengths.
Everyone has strengths, whether you see it or not. You could stare at a 50kg dumb-bell all day long moaning about how you couldn’t possibly carry it, even explore with a sympathetic person the past origins of why you couldn’t. Or you could start exercising your present strength with a 5kg dumb-bell, knowing that if you keep focusing on working out, one day you’ll be pushing 50 and beyond.

2) Be willing to test out new solutions..
If you want to change, be willing to do new things you’ve never done before…that’s what change means, doesn’t it?

3) Focus on what you want to happen in the future.
We live in the present and can only go into the future. Milton Erickson once said, ‘insight into the past may be somewhat educational. But insight into the past isn’t going to change the past’. Decide to focus more on solutions versus problems. Look forward and answer the question, ‘if you could have the future anyway you wanted it, how would you want it to be?’

Here’s The Guiding Key To Shifting Self-Sabotage
After reading this article, you might recognize someone you know, or times in the past you’ve had moments of self-sabotage. Realize that even those times are now over, and you are bigger than thoughts and reactions you might once have had.

To key is, in the words of Robert Dilts, to shift people from learned hopelessness, helplessness and worthlessness to have hope for the future, a sense of capability and responsibility, and a sense of self-worth and belonging

To read more Alvin Soon; visit his blog at

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Who are you?

Victims say "I'm too busy." Victors say "I'll find the time." Victims look for excuses not to even make an attempt. Victors look for ways to get it done. Victims ask for pity. Victors look for challenge.

Victims worry about who is to blame. Victors find a way to make a difference. Victims complain.

Victors take action. Victims find comfort in the weakness of others. Victors help others to develop their strengths.

Victims agonize over yesterday's losses. Victors prepare for the opportunities of tomorrow.

Victims take credit. Victors accept responsibility. Victims search for quick and easy answers to their problems. Victors spend the time and effort needed to build the life they desire.

In each day are abundant opportunities for you to be a victim, and just as many ways for you to be a victor.

The choice is yours.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Let your love flow

Let your love flow outward through the universe, To its height, its depth, its broad extent, A limitless love, without hatred or enmity. Then as you stand or walk, Sit or lie down, As long as you are awake, Strive for this with a one-pointed mind; Your life will bring heaven to earth.

Prepare to accept the lesson

Learning from our mistakes made will only become a possibility when we are prepared to accept the lessons others taught us about in good faith, and not out of wrong desires, out of disrespect for who we are as a person or a people.

If you had the power

If you had the power to decide what types of opportunities would come your way, what opportunities would you select?

In fact, you do have the power to choose the way that much of your world will be. You do have the ability to decide what kinds of events, experiences, opportunities and circumstances come your way.

For the world you experience is the world with which your dreams, your thoughts, your expectations and your actions most closely resonate. The world you see and live in, is the world you most sincerely expect to see.

With your thoughts, with your actions, with your values, dreams and expectations, you do indeed choose what kind of world you live in. The way you are, is closely mirrored in the world you see.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Quality of Life

The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your thoughts and the quality of your actions.

If your thoughts are petty, cynical and vindictive, your life will be filled with frustration and regret. If the actions you take are the minimum needed to get by, the you'll always be just barely getting by.

When your thoughts are positive and expansive, your actions bold and determined, you will live with abundance and fulfillment.

Quality of life is not based so much on what you have. Rather, it depends on how you choose to view, and what you choose to do. Think of every moment as an opportunity. Act with purpose, direction, enthusiasm and commitment. Every little thought, every little action, combines to determine the quality of your life. Every day is a chance to create, by what you think and what you do.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Kimmy's Abandonment issues

Loving and wanting someone who does not love us back engenders a deep personal wound. Rejection hits a raw nerve whose root begins in childhood. It arouses our abandonment issues. Abandonment is primal fear, the first fear that each of us experience as an infant. It is the fear that we will be left, literally abandoned, with no one to care for us. Abandonment's wound is cumulative. It contains all of our losses, disconnections and disappointments from early on, the death of a parent, a teenage breakup, being out-shown by a sibling, these experiences make us more susceptible to heartbreak when we are abandoned as adults.

The abandonment wound, stored deep within the limbic brain, is easily triggered. You feel its raw nerve twinge when you fail to get recognition at work, a friend forgets to invite you to a party, or a date you thought was special did not call back. When being left is the trigger, core abandonment fears erupt. Stress hormones course through our bodies, compelling even the strongest among us to feel desperate and dependent.

Being left also kicks up our control issues. The breakup wasn't our choice. Someone else cast us into this aloneness by choosing not to be with us. We feel at loss of our personal power to compel another person's love. "I must be unlovable and unworthy for him to discard me like that." Abandonment is similar to other types of bereavement, but its grief is complicated by rejection and betrayal. We turn the rage against ourselves, accounting for the severe depression that accompanies heartbreak. When we blame the breakup on our supposed inadequacies, we abandon ourselves. We automatically think to ourselves, “There must be something wrong with me that makes me not worth keeping.”

The Five Stages of Abandonment are:

1. Shattering: Severing of love-connection, devastation, shattering of hopes and dreams. The emotions are shock, panic, despair, feeling you can't live without your love.

2. Withdrawal: You're in painful withdrawal of love-loss, as intense as heroin withdrawal. The emotions are yearning, craving, obsessing, longing for your ex's return.

3. Internalizing: As you try to making sense of the rejection, you doubt and blame yourself. Idealizing the abandoner at your own expense, narcissistic injury sets in and fear incubates.

4. Rage: Reversing the rejection and having retaliatory feelings. Displacing anger on friends who don't understand or are critical of the abandoner leads to more unhealthy action.

5. Lifting: Rising out despair, life begins to distract you. You begin to open to love again and all its possibilities. You “SWIRL” through all the stages over and over until you emerge out the end of the tunnel a changed person capable of greater life and love than before.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Sundrenched World

I can't get to bed
But I'm really tired
The things in my head
You used to admire
In your sundrenched world
It couldn't be worse
Don't bother asking
And here comes the nerves
While I'm trying to bask
In your sundrenched world

I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
Writing this song
Tell me I'm not wrong

I close up my mouth
When you're around now
Suffocating in doubt
I can't make a sound
In your sundrenched world
I always wanted to be
The one you looked to
For the answers in me
I'm the one who took you
To your sundrenched world

I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My heart is blistering
Writing this song
Tell me I belong

I'm talking to you
But you're not listening
I don't know what to do
My hands are blistering
Writing this song
Tell me I belong

Tell me I belong
Tell me I
Tell me I belong

Joshua Radin

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Missing you

Since you've been away
I've been down and lonely
Since you've been away
I've been thinking of you
Trying to understand
What were you going through?

I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh oohI'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns

As I look around
I see things that remind me
Just to see you smile
Made my heart fill with joy
I'll still recall
Where did you run to, boy?

I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh oohI'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns

But now you've gone away boy
I feel so broken hearted
I've cried so many tears
Gotta face now all my fears
We let time slip away

There was so much of your dreams
That were never told
You had so much hope
For a brighter day

I'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns
Ooh oohI'm missing you
Tell me why the road turns

You positive!

It works Is it realistic to be positive about life? After all, being positive sounds good in theory, yet in the real world so many things can so often go awry.

Yes, being positive is entirely realistic. Because truly being positive is not based on what is or is not likely to happen.

Being positive is all about what you decide to create. Being positive is a perspective from which you can choose to operate.

As such, not only is it realistic to be positive, it is also highly empowering. No matter what may have happened or failed to happen, being positive is the most intelligent and effective way forward.

There are plenty of completely reasonable and perfectly valid reasons for being negative. Yet they are all outweighed by a single, compelling reason for being positive.

Being positive is always realistic because whatever the situation, being positive gives you the most valuable and powerful options. Look around, and you'll see that the best reason to be positive is because it works.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Seek to live in harmony with the rhythm and flow of life

Life has a beautiful rhythm and pace. Live it as it comes.

If you try to outrun life, you miss much of its beauty. Instead of racing ahead to cover more ground, see the treasures that are right here and now.

Rather than resenting or regretting what has already happened, focus your thoughts on the good you can do in this moment.

If you're constantly chasing life, the best of it eludes you. Decide to do a little less pursuing and a lot more enjoying.

Seek to live in harmony with the rhythm and flow of life.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My prayer for strength

If anyone speaks ill of you,

Praise them always.

If anyone injures you,

Serve them nicely.

If anyone persecutes you,

Help them in all possible ways.

You will attain immense strength.

You will control anger and pride.

You will enjoy peace, poise, and serenity.


You gave people your kindness;
gentleness of your touch.
supported by your smile.

sense your gentle presence
Wishing it would last.

only memories remain...sadness,
I was too late.

What would be even better?

Think of the best possible thing that you could accomplish today, and then ask yourself this. What would be even better?

Instead of lowering your expectations to be more in line with reality, raise those expectations and then improve your reality so it matches them. That's a much better choice and yes, you can most certainly do it.

Realize that the best is yet to come. Then get busy and make it happen.

What has happened before may be interesting and useful to know about. Yet all of that is in the past, and right now the world is filled with brand new possibilities.

The quality of your life right now depends on how you live it right now. What will you choose to do with such a magnificent opportunity?

This is the moment when you can mold life into whatever you would like it to be. Take a deep breath, stand up, walk forward and truly live all the wonder that is here.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Willing to move forward...

It's easy to blame someone else for your troubles. Yet when you're truly honest with yourself, it's clear that blaming someone else will not add the slightest bit of value to your life.

It seems fair and reasonable to expect your problems to be solved by the people who caused them, but stop and think about it. Do you really wish to give those people who caused your problems any additional control over your life and your future?

To move your life in the direction you choose to go, you must be willing to take full responsibility for it. That means moving past what's easy and accepting that things are not always going to be fair.

Perhaps life has given you a burden you don't deserve. Instead of seeing that as an excuse to
give up, see it as an opportunity to give more.

Though you may not have brought the troubles upon yourself, you can nevertheless make positive use of them. Choose to take full responsibility for your own situation, and you'll begin to see how you can rise from it to a level that's higher than ever before.

Real success does not result from everything going perfectly. Real success comes when you're willing to move forward no matter what may happen.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Peaceful effectiveness

Be continually at peace with yourself, and absolutely anything is possible.

Rid your mind of all inner conflict, and the outer conflicts will not matter.

Realize that you can transcend anything, and everything becomes an opportunity. Decline to be caught up in the wasteful, destructive power struggles of the world, and you'll find the real power to create according to your highest vision.

Gratefully and graciously accept each day as it comes. Let go of what has been, and eagerly take in all that is.

Choose your intentions as if they will come to life in great abundance. For when those intentions are sincerely filled with positive, meaningful purpose, they will indeed become real.

Instead of struggling to get one up on everyone else, raise your awareness to the point at which the competition is insignificant. Get in the habit of creating value, and you won't feel the need to take it from others.

To be truly effective, be truly peaceful, sincere, thankful and accepting. Find delight and fulfillment in pulling all of life forward.

Ari M. Squire

I created this blog for him.

Words used to describe Ari Squire; Kind, Selfless, sweet, loving, Caring, friendly. These people knew him. These people worked with him. These people socialized with him. They loved him.

Everything you achieve on the outside has first been created on the inside.

Everything you achieve on the outside has first been created on the inside.

Your biggest obstacle to success can be your own inability to see yourself reaching it. Once you know without a doubt that you can do it, you will indeed make it happen.

The most important person to convince is you. Once you are truly convinced that you can do it, others will quickly be convinced as well.

Inner achievement will build your confidence and fuel your persistence. Inner achievement will put the power of purpose behind every action.

Peaceful Mind (and letting go)

There is enormous power in peace. Seek to let your mind be filled with peace, and your life will benefit greatly.

Worry wastes your precious time, resentment destroys your effectiveness and anxiety drains your energy. A peaceful mind, on the other hand, puts you firmly in control and out of the reach of the world's negative distractions.

Peace comes easily and naturally when you stop fighting against what is.

Peace is what you find when you let go of everything else. Peace requires no real effort other than the realization that you already have it.

Empty your mind of the stressful thoughts, and peace will fill the space left behind.

Energy flow

There is energy in joy, and there is also energy in frustration. There is energy in peace, and energy in sadness as well. The particular source of the energy is not nearly as important as what you decide to do with it.

If your life has no guiding purpose, all that energy, coming from so many directions, will keep you in a constant state of turmoil. Or, you can harness that energy and let it all move you powerfully toward the fulfillment of your dreams.

Where do you find the energy to move forward? It is all around you, in every situation and occurrence.

Free from attachment

The root of suffering is attachment, because attachment makes one bound. To be truly free means to learn to love and appreciate while remaining independent.

If I cannot keep myself free from attachment I am constantly experiencing suffering. Because I am attached, I am dependent on someone or something I have created a space for in my mind. When that person or object is criticized, neglected or not with me, I feel pain in my mind and I experience a sense of loss.


There are some events that you can influence by making intelligent choices and by taking decisive action. There are other events and situations that are completely out of your control.
You can do your very best with those situations that are under your control.

And you can adapt and adjust to those situations over which you have little or no influence.

The foolish actions of others can leave you hopelessly frustrated if you allow them to do so. Keep in mind, however, that there's nothing to be gained by working yourself into a knot of frustration and resentment.

Instead, accept whatever comes your way and commit yourself to finding the positive, generous sense of purpose, even when conditions are less than ideal.